The Way of Jesus:
Self Denial

In order to become disciples who follow Jesus, we must first get over ourselves. That’s what this chapter is all about: self-denial. There are many places we could go in the Bible to learn about how Jesus exemplified this, but for now we’ll limit ourselves to just one: the moment where Jesus washed his disciples’ feet.

John 13:3–5 says,

“Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.”

The idea of a master washing his follower’s feet was so offensive that Peter refused to let Jesus do it: “You will never wash my feet” (John 13:8). Footwear wasn’t what it is today and most people had very rudimentary sandals. That meant that one’s feet became very unpleasant as they traveled about the dusty roads of Judea. Not only were the roads dusty, but likely oxen and donkeys would have left plenty of “land mines” along the way and stepping in one at some point was probably inevitable. Feet then were like feet now: a little gross. That’s why one of the primary roles of a servant was to wash their master’s feet.

In fact, it was a job that was reserved not only for a servant, but for the very lowest ones.

Imagine the hush that fell upon the disciples when Jesus suddenly stood up and started to wrap a towel around himself. That hush would’ve turned to confusion as he picked up the water basin. And it may have even turned to disgust when he finally knelt down and started washing their feet. Jesus was upsetting the social order here. He was humiliating himself—or was he?

Perhaps we are the ones who have made fools of ourselves by supposing that life is all about generating more acclaim for us. Maybe we are the ones who are out of step with the way things truly are: that those who find life are those who deny themselves, take up a cross, and follow the way of Jesus.

“The great paradox which Scripture reveals to us is that real and total freedom is only found through downward mobility. The Word of God came down to us and lived among us as a slave. The divine way is indeed the downward way” (Henri Nouwen, The Selfless Way of Christ).

When we come to know Jesus, we approach him with our questions, our expectations, and our needs. But we can’t begin to follow Jesus until we are ready to obey him. In fact, Jesus says our obedience to him is the fruit of our love for him (John 14:23). The obedience Jesus calls for has love at its root. Throughout Scripture, there is an expectation that those who love God do what he says out of devotion, not duty.

We can’t walk with Jesus and go our own way. If we follow Jesus, we go where he leads.

On the surface, this can look very positive! After all, God is wise! He loves us! His ways are good for us! Obeying God can make us safer and healthier. Our relationships, finances, and even our bodies benefit from following what God says is good. We want that good stuff. But here is the problem:

God achieves these good things in and through us with methods that are often entirely backwards from how the world works.

When we give our lives to Jesus, it doesn’t take long before following him means going against the tide of the world, other people’s expectations, and especially our own natural desires.

Jesus says if we want to gain life, we’ll need to lose our life (Matthew 16:25). The key to tapping into eternity here and now is to align ourselves with selfless ambition. To lay down our own pursuits and desires and take up the things Jesus says matter most. There is a cost. But Jesus reminds us that there is also something to gain—something that is worth more than the other things we seek. In Luke 18:29-30, Jesus reminds us that “everyone who has given up house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of kingdom of God, will be repaid many times over in this life, and will have eternal life in the world to come.”

Jesus himself perfectly embodies that life. When Paul describes how we should relate to one another and the world, he tells us to think and act like Jesus, who lived out the life of a humble servant, obedient even to death (Philippians 2:5-8). If we are following Jesus closely, humility, sacrifice, and obedience will become a part of our nature, too. We will begin to do things, love things, and create things that will baffle the world, but will reveal the kingdom of God right here and now. God is at work where you are, and we need to resist the pull of self, the enemy, and the world to join him.

Henri Nouwen often explained that in the world, we seek three things above all else: to be relevant, to be spectacular, and to be powerful.

In other words, we want to be essential to the people and things around us. We want to be very relevant—to be needed and wanted, and to matter and be missed if we’re gone. We want to be spectacular. We want to be incredibly good at many things and enjoy the spotlight because of it. And we want to be powerful. We want to be the masters of our own universe, to call the shots, to hold things together in the way we want them to be. We want to be in control. None of these pursuits bring us peace because all three attempt to stand us up in a place that only God can occupy.

We strive and strive and cannot ever get enough relevance, ability, or power because we are not God.

Look at the culture around you. Voices everywhere say move yourself up, up, up. Get another degree. Get a better car. Have a better job five years from now than you have today. Have the house you want now, not when you can afford it. Think about how our culture works: success means doing bigger and better things every year, getting more possessions, and securing the right relationships. If we aren’t moving up in the world, we’re failing.

Jesus says we’re successful when we actively love our enemies, share our homes with strangers, and forgive people who don’t deserve it. That’s the good life. Rooted, risky, unglamorous, full life. Life in the kingdom of God operates downward; we lay down our lives, we surrender and drop our hold on achievement, performance, and control, and we choose to serve without getting credit. We give costly gifts, choose community growth over individual gain, and place what others need above what we want right now. We become so secure in Jesus we begin to forget that anyone else’s opinion ever had power over us. In the kingdom of God, we don’t compete. We rest in our identity in Christ, and out of that identity, we pursue costly obedience in love. The rewards are rich, but mysterious, and often entirely confusing to the world.

Action Step

This week, choose to serve without getting any credit. Take some time to think of a way you can show love to someone else, some way you can put someone else’s needs before your own desires. Then carry out a secret act of service for that person.

Daily Scripture

Read each day’s Scripture passage. Journal your responses to what you’ve read.

Matthew 6 | Matthew 16:13-28 | Isaiah 58 | Luke 18:18-34 | Philippians 2:1-18

What to do when you meet
with your group:

Begin with a short prayer.

Ask God to open your eyes to his perspective on things. Take turns each week.

Questions.

Begin by discussing how you are loving others.

What opportunities has God given you to love other people through serving, speaking truth in love, or pointing them towards Christ since we last met? How did you respond?

Talk about what God has been stirring in you through your time in the Word.

Share about one of your quiet times in God’s Word. What has God been teaching you and how will you respond?

Questions about section 1.

Describe a recent time where you practiced self-denial. What did it cost you? What did you gain?

Where are you laying yourself down for God’s kingdom and mission?

End your time by praying for each other.

Pray for each other—for a willingness and humbleness to practice self-denial for the sake of God’s kingdom.